we have officially lost it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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