I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
