I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drunk is a universal language darling
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
