Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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