I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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