4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
