...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
