im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
