I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
