Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
