I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
