The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
