My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
