i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
