The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
