pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
