is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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