hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
