i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
