Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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