Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
