I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
