Your mouth is God's brothel.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
