Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
God, I missed his penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
