i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
