Screwed.edu
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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