Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
