What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
