Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
