I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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