You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
