I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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