Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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