These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
