Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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