If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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