Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
