it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
