She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
