The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
