ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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