woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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