what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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