i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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