she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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