Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
