i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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