Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
