Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Enjoy the penises
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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