I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i barfeds in our rink
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
