trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
