he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
two words: eviction party
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
